P30: Spring-head

I know I have been away from my blog and that makes me feel like a bad parent. On the contrary, I have been a rather involved father. Hence the lack of time to write posts. I must say that numerous times I have written posts in my head but I guess that is not good enough. Need an app that takes thoughts out of head and puts them to electronic ink.

I left off writing when my man-cub was 4 plus. He was primarily a ‘hammer-head’ then. Would use his head in a sway and crash; wherever that would land him. Quite like an aggressive giraffe, albeit runted. He needed neck support when picked up or while in somebody’s lap.

He is 6 now. And he has gone from ‘hammer-head’ to ‘spring-head’. Remember those toys on your dad’s car dash that had a spring to their neck? Each movement or the gentle rumbling of the engine used to make those toys’ heads bob. Well, that is exactly what he does now. Bobs his head, whenever he is not horizontal.

My man-cub now tries to balance himself and is doing a fabulous job at that. He is inquisitive and curious With his head bobbing about, he manages to use it wherever he wants to. He could be following his mother, walking across the room or craning his head to see what song has been played, Mr Spring-Head is seeing the world through his eyes.

Wish I could get a recording of that! What a watch that would be!

P28: Butler Butler Burning Bright

My baby boy is now 13 weeks i.e. 3 months and a week old. Since I was meeting him after a long month, I noticed a few changes about him.

He has developed stronger muscles to hoist himself up when rested on his tummy. He looks all happy as he shows off his new strength to me, looking like a pocket body-builder. Do remember though, that the child will tire out easily.

His neck has become stronger, as a result of which, he is a lot more comfortable turning his head from side to side.

He also has become, what I call, a Human Hammer Head. He uses his head to butt around when he is held. The last I saw anything like that were the shy giraffes at Nairobi as they jostled for food at the feeding ‘machan’. It is funny when he does that but, however it is a test of reflexes.

I do have a nagging fear that he likes watching TV, especially the soppy soaps that gets aired in afternoons. I am not sure who to blame for that! 😉

Here are a few other observations I made:

The mother’s role has increased manifold – the child understands that food, comfort, succour and sleep all come from the same source. My wife jokes that she is more of a commodity than mother to the child!

What this development basically means that the father is reduced to being a butler. But being a useful butler is a great help. So pay your respects to Nestor and do what is the calling of the hour. The butler needs to be handy with the following:

• Nappy
• Feeding bottle
• Top up feed (helpful for growth spurts)
• Bib to wipe that drool after a feed.
• And anything else that the wife might need (from a hair clip to handing her mobile to her)

It is easy to be logged out as a father here, but I make sure I make myself useful by calming the child, or lulling him to sleep. This gives my wife the necessary down time that she needs. Imagine being at the beck and call of a wriggling three-month old, at all times! Feeding him; getting him to sleep – now multiply that into 24 hours. So that is pretty much what my wife is doing.

Statutory warning: you might find more of a mother and less of a wife. Please do not panic. That is the sign of an involved mother. I try to spend as much time as I can with her. When my cub sleeps, we talk to each other, thereby utilising some time that we get to ourselves. Those are moments when we go back to being friends and husband-wife!

The other thing to do is to introduce the child into your lifestyle. In other words, a quick trip to your favourite diner or breakfast with family is a good idea. We have been careful not to expose the child to areas with a lot of noise – and so his shopping mall debut is still pending.

And his trip to Carrefour is not going to happen soon!

Cheerio!

 

P24: It Will Never Be The Same Again

Life will never be the same again. It has all changed – and for the good! I remember mentioning that having a child changes your G-force. And after the child is in your hands and you see a faint smile, you know that life has changed COMPLETELY. It will never be the same again.

My boy is my incentive to come home from office. We spend some father-son time together. He caws, I hum. He wiggles, I jiggle. He swipes at me, I kiss him back. And then I sing him to sleep.

If you happen to be the unmusical sort, and cannot lull your child to sleep, then try the following:

• Load up the sound of a washing machine drum spinning. The hum helps.
• Some also switch on the vacuum cleaner or do a daily spin in their cars. Save on electricity and petrol. Use your swanky mp3 players or i-pods instead.
• If there was any music that you ‘fed’ your child when still in the womb, then play those same songs / musical pieces and watch your child slowly lap into sleep.

It is very peaceful to watch your child sleep. A half-open mouth, sometimes a slight drool mark on your tee-shirt, the undulating rib-cage in your palms, the soft snores on your skin and that occasional collar grabbing while sleeping – these moments are simply priceless.

For everything else, there’s MasterCard!

P18: His Father’s Voice

I have already narrated 2 stories to my newborn baby son!

As I sit down to write this, he is about to turn 6 days old, in a few hours. And having gobbled up two stories of unprecedented yarn in 6 days, I think he has a good appetite himself! What also surprised me was my ability to spin yarn on demand. Till I did not see him lull into a comfortable sleep, I kept my story running. Maybe years of watching Hindi (Bollywood) films is finally paying off.

In case, a deranged screenplay writer is going to read this, my first was the story of three ducks and a bear. Obvious inspiration from Kung-Fu Panda. I have been told umpteen times that I am a ‘human’ prototype of Po! And since my son squeals like a duck, this does sound like a Po-ish film.

My second was a short. It was the story of a crocodile in the Dubai creek waters who liked eating ducks till he met my ‘sonny duck’ and decided to make friends instead. The story met a decisive and quick end, when he wailed out in hunger and slept off after his fill.

From Dad To Son

Fun bit aside, truth is that days of ‘talking to the womb’ is paying off. Be it reading a book or just plain, simple calling out to him, my child is reacting to my voice. He heard this voice when he was a foetus and now again as I cuddled him. It fills me up emotionally when I see him making eye-contact with me all the while as I talk to him. He understands zilch of what I say (and I’d rather he doesn’t comprehend all that yarn), but his reaction shows his familiarity with it.

The little joys of being a father!

P07: Behaving Pregnant

By the 4th or 5th month, you will notice that you are behaving as if you are pregnant!

And that certainly is a sign that you are aware of what your wife might need! Investing in a good car or a family car is also a good idea, if you havent already. More than that, if you are driving, you must be very careful over bumps and speed-humps. Avoid taking sharp turns; you do not want vomit on your car seat! Ok, that was mean, probably!

I restricted my wife’s driving and resorted to dropping and picking her up from work! It will take a toll on your professional life but good time management and prioritising workload will help immensely. I do not trust anybody’s driving, be it my wife or a cabbie and so, I diligently drive her around. Here’s what you should do with your automobile:

• Get a ‘baby on board’ sign and stick it up in the rear of your car. Though most motorists are blind to that sign, specially an SUV owner in the UAE but trust me, getting one of those early on helps!
• Get your car suspension checked, unless you own a car that you trust more than yourself!
• Drive gently. Any nonrhythmic movement will make her uncomfortable.
• Use ‘cruise control’ more often.
• Avoid sudden braking! Or frequent braking!
• Avoid music with a big thump! Can tend to make the mother-to-be anxious. Instead try easy-listening, classical or sample some Mozart!
• Keep a small cushion handy for lumber comfort.
• And a bottle of water and tissues.

Carrying another person – inside – is no mean feat! We men, can only imagine! Neither can we imagine what it must feel to sleep with a belly that now resembles a water melon. Carrying such weight with your stomach innards getting squished about is not the most comfortable of things. Wife feels bloated and gets tired very easily. Two body parts that take the load are the feet and back. Make sure you rub and moisturise her feet. It de-stresses and induces good sleep. Also, try to massage her back and ease her muscles. Make sure you know how to ‘knead’ along the spine.

In advances stage pregnancy, sleeping on the back is completely ruled out. My wife now has to sleep on her side. Always. And that also can fatigue her out. My wife yearns to sleep on her back but that is not good for the child as it gets cramped by the stomach. There is not much I can do in this situation and neither can any other man in a similar place. However, make sure the following:

• A hot water bottle to ease her body pains. Her back will need this.
• Get ready to sleep with multitudes of cushions. Place one under her belly as she sleeps on her side. Keep one near the small of her back. In case she turns to sleep in her back, she will not be able to do so completely.
• In case you notice, slowly turn her to one side.
• Massage her feet, neck and back, lower back carefully.
• Use an anti-stretch mark cream on her back and stomach and sides.

One might feel a bit stretched. Good! That, my friend, is the only way we can appreciate the situation! After all, you are the father!

P06: House Rules!

Change in ‘house rules’!
All these years, the missus set the house rules. And I abided by them; not that there was a choice. However much that makes me look like a hen-pecked husband, I must say that I enjoyed it all as I have always been a law-abiding citizen. If the queen doesn’t approve of your taste in music, clamp headphones on. If I do not approve of her TV soaps, I keep my opinion to myself! However the dynamics change a bit because of pregnancy! I call the shots and she accepts them like a ‘willing subject’. Simple rules that we agreed upon that would keep things easy for us:

1. She is not to lock the bathroom door, at all times.
2. She is to wake me up at all times she is up and is hungry.
3. Also, keep a banana by the bed-side for any hunger emergencies.
4. Remind her not to bend down to pick things up. It takes a little getting used to new body movements.
5. However much she wants, she cannot wear heels.
6. I will be the last authority on what she watches on TV. This is a good censor for any violent scenes in films or blood and gore on TV news channels.

We both have taken very well to the new sets of rules.

P05: Sympathetic Pregnancy

The other thing I noticed was that I was gaining weight! My friend, very aptly, calls it ‘sympathetic pregnancy’. As my wife wanted to eat, but couldn’t (due to nausea), I was polishing off my plate and hers as well. As a result, I started to carry some extra weight. We ain’t the family that wastes food fashionably. We are aware of world hunger and do our bit about it. Not wasting food, at home and outside, is one of that. What is served is eaten. And what my wife couldn’t eat, I did. Yes, the daily trip to the gym is something that I cannot do without.

Here’s how you can help that extra helping:

• Carry it as lunch the next day to work.
• Pack a lunch box for the wife, if she is still working.

Run a careful check in the crisper and freezer, just so that everything that is bought to eat is utilised; keeping in mind dietary requirements for the mother-to-be.

• Mustards, unless you cannot not stay away, can be given away.
• Get rid of mayonnaise. Instead use hung curd. It is healthy and does what a ‘mayo’ can!
• Extra acidic fruits like pineapple etc maybe a cause of acidity attacks, so not stocking them in your fridge would be a good idea.

P03: The First Changes

The first changes of pregnancy were not on my wife’s body but in our social life.

A man’s instinct to protect and envelope his lady heightens naturally and a woman needs that psychologically. She sought more time with me and I made sure that I curtailed and redesigned my professional life so. I made sure I had an out-time at work and my bosses knew of that. The decision to announce the news to the outside world is your sole discretion. I chose not to tell (at that time). I only specified my out-time; something that is a bit of a rarity in a media house.

Spending time together is therapeutic. It is natural stress-buster. And you realise that the G-force in your life is now shifting. I saw ourselves discussing how life would be in another 5 to 6 months time. Sometimes the conversations may sound insane and while some might just want to freak out and hit the local bar over beer – desist! Fatherhood is not like giving up bachelorhood! What I realised instead was that I was slowly getting trained at ‘being a father’. My sofa and my private time with my wife was also my first tutorial at tuning up my head. I was beginning to understand what my wife was beginning to go through. And I reassured her that I would be with her at all times. This is a promise that is going to be very hard to keep but worth every bit of accepting this new role.

Changes in a social life also meant limiting friends’ visits to our home or declining invitations for the next few months. Predominantly because she feels the most comfortable in her own home, in her home-clothes, in her own bed as opposed to wearing party clothes and flashing a measured smile in a social gathering. Keeping a few excuses handy would be a good idea. Slowly but surely, I kept myself around her at most times, for she only relied on me. And I loved it all, specially getting to spend leisurely hours with the missus discussing our future child. This is bonding all over again and I cannot begin to stress how lovely those moments can be in strengthening a relationship. So, all in all, time spent better than in a social-do. Obviously, I understand that this might not be the case with any of you reading this, but this is what I did.